


Cas, Actually

by insominia



Series: I don't understand that reference [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Fluff and Angst, Love Actually References, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insominia/pseuds/insominia
Summary: It's been four days since the hunt went wrong and they lost people. Or rather, Castiel lost people. He's been locked in his room blaming himself even though the Winchesters insist it wasn't his fault. When Cas won't listen to them, won't talk to them, won't even look at them, Dean gets creative in his communication efforts.





	Cas, Actually

Castiel has been holed up in his room in the bunker for days. He doesn’t need to sleep, he doesn’t eat so the only reason to do so is to avoid Sam and Dean, and they know it. It’s been four days since they got back from the hunt and he hasn’t said a word to either of them. Longer actually, given that he hasn’t said a word since before the hunt actually ended. Sam tries to talk to him, tries to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that these things happen, that they can’t save everyone. The first time Cas turned away, the second he’d stalked off, the third time he’d just slammed his door in Sam’s face and he didn’t answer it for the fourth. Or the fifth. Or any subsequent time. He’s freezing Dean out too, but Dean doesn’t mind so much. Well no, he does mind, he minds a hell of a lot, but he’s done the same to Cas and Sam on so many occasions he gets it. If those people had died on his watch, he’d be holed up too. So he lets Cas hide, though he knocks a couple of times a day just to say through the door that he’s there when Cas is ready.

“How long are we gonna let him beat himself up over this?” Sam asks at breakfast one morning, but Dean just shrugs. “Dean, we can’t let this go on,” his brother snaps, which invites a glare that has felled lesser men. Dean knows that. “It wasn’t his fault!”

Dean knows that too. There had been no clue, not even the hint of a hint that there were two of those...those _things,_ so when they told Cas to get the survivors out not one of them had thought he’d need to do anything more than walk them out. He’d managed to stab it at least, they found it a few hours later after following the trail of blood, but not before it had mangled Cas to the point that even his grace had struggled to bring him back and take out those he was trying to free. It hadn’t fed, it had just killed them. Turns out some monsters had a sense of spite. They’d gotten Cas conscious before they’d gone after it, but he’d taken one look at the bodies and just sort of let himself fall back into unconsciousness. He hadn’t said a word since, not even when Dean said it was done.

He’d slammed a lot of doors though.

“I know,” Dean growls, stabbing his bacon with unnecessary force, “hell, _he_ probably knows it too. But he still _feels_ like it was, so we gotta let him work it out.”

“This is ridiculous,” Sam groans, “I mean, doesn’t it bother you?”

Sam learns at that moment that he doesn’t have the trademark on bitch faces because the one Dean shoots him could put him out of business. _Of course_ , it bothers him. He wants to comfort Cas. He wants to take him in his arms and tell him this wasn’t on him. He wants to clean the wounds his grace hasn’t been able to touch yet and kiss away his bruises. But it’s more than that, he _misses_ him. He misses waking up beside him, even though the angel doesn’t sleep. He misses just hanging out in bed and watching television, though he mostly watches Cas’ expressions rather than whatever’s on the screen. He misses the easy affection they have developed.

It’s been four days since either of them has heard, ‘ _I love you_.’

“I just wish he’d let us talk to him, y’know?” Sam sighs and maybe there’s something in the way he says it, it gives Dean pause and he cocks his head, thinking, planning.

When he knocks on Cas’ door later that evening, he’s moved a small boombox into the hallway and run a cable, it’s not exactly the most spontaneous of gestures but it’ll do. Bon Jovi is already playing, it’s a little cheesier than he would have gone for normally, but it would have felt weird doing this in silence. It takes a few knocks before Cas deigns to crack the door open, perhaps the music made him curious. When he sees Dean his face relaxes somewhat and for a moment Dean forgets why he’s there and just smiles back at the better half of his soul.

Cas waits patiently, though his hand doesn’t waver from the door handle, waiting for an excuse to close it again, so Dean hops to it. Even though Cas has only cracked the door and Dean cannot see all of his angel, Cas has a good view so Dean only shuffles slightly as he holds up the large pieces of card he has prepared.

‘ _I know you don’t want to talk-_ ’

He drops the first card to reveal the second. Cas raises an eyebrow, for a moment too intrigued to be angry at himself.

‘ _and if I were you I wouldn’t either_ -’

The card drops and another is exposed.

‘ _but I need you to know that this wasn’t your fault_ -’

Cas’ face falls with the card, but he doesn’t shut the door.

‘ _and these things happen_.’

‘ _They suck, but they happen_.’

Cas doesn’t look convinced and almost shuts the door before Dean hastily reveals the next card.

‘ _But, I know that me telling you won’t help_ -’

The door stays open.

‘ _So for now, just hear this_.’

‘ _Or read it, or whatever-’_

Cas smirks and Dean’s heart soars, that’s progress at least.

_‘You did nothing wrong-’_

_‘This wasn’t your fault-’_

_‘But take whatever time you need-’_

_‘Because-’_

Cas has raised an eyebrow by now and the door is almost fully open. Dean cannot stop the soft smile that betrays him.

_‘To me, you are perfect.’_

_‘And I will love you-’_

_‘No matter what-’_

_‘In rough times and smooth-’_

_‘In good times and bad._ ’

Dean pauses for effect and Cas looks at him, looking as though he might cry, but surely angels cannot do such a thing. Dean drops the card.

 _‘Always, Cas_.’

Cas watches him bend down to gather the cards. He has to leave the boombox behind, he can’t carry it all, but a little music never hurt anyone, even if it does sort of spoil the effect of him leaving a bit. With a final smile, Dean tucks the cards under his arm and turns back to his room, feeling a lot lighter. If nothing else, he made Cas smile.

He’s almost reached the end of the corridor when he feels a firm but tentative hand on his shoulder, and he’s turned to find Cas’ bright blue eyes an inch away from his own. Cas curls his hand into the nape of Dean’s neck and then they’re kissing and it says everything neither of them has said in days.

_‘It’s ok.’_

_‘Everything will be ok.’_

_‘I’ve missed you.’_

When Cas breaks away with a sigh, he closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Dean’s, smiling despite himself at the contact. Dean lets him take what he needs, even though the cards are digging into his side and his arm aches from holding their awkward size. Eventually, Cas opens his eyes and with a quick peck to Dean’s lips, he jogs back down the hall, unplugs the boom box and lifts it up, gesturing for Dean to lead on. Dean can’t help but grin as he turns into his room, Cas following a few steps behind.

He drops the cards on the desk, he’d gathered them without any attention to their order now that they’d served their purpose and the words, ‘ _To me, you are perfect_ ,’ sit on the top. Cas smiles at it as he places the boombox beside it. They still do not speak, but they don’t need words as Dean slides over the bed and raises an arm for Cas to settle under. With Cas curled into his side, Dean kisses the top of his head fondly and reaches for the remote.

 

 


End file.
